American kids are the freest, most privileged kids in all of history. They are also the saddest, most anxious, depressed, and medicated generation on record. Nearly a third of teen girls say they have seriously considered suicide. For boys, that number is an alarming 14 percent.
2nd post - forgot to comment about $$$$ - I always say, many problems stem from money and to fix the problem, you need to follow the money. I'll just leave it here so as not to point any fingers....;)
Abigail hits a lot of nails squarely on the head. Super interesting podcast/discussion which I promptly sent to friends/family who have young children. My kids are in their 20s, and so far/so good - we were always considered and believed ourselves to be on the stricter side (family computer in the family room only, dinner together every nite that was possible, jobs at 15-16, chores at home, real consequences to bad behavior (NO sleepovers for my son starting at age 15-16 until he left for college-imagine how popular we were!?). Without much thought, I can come up with several examples of friends/neighbors who have adult children who are struggling - no goals, career, one didn't get a driver's license til age 20 (suburban kid), few real friends, two who were in therapy for suicidality, and on and on. Its heartbreaking to see this, as kids are the product of their upbringing. Today, I see entire families out to dinner all staring at phones. Something needs to change and I hope parents listen and/or read. Thanks Bari for the great interview.
I was sitting with my 5 year old daughter tonight wondering how to thank Ms. Shrier for her courage in writing these two books. Her closing comments about the personal cost of writing truth really struck a cord with me.
Dear Ms. Shrier, Sometimes there's just no fancy way to say something. So let me just say it -
Thank You for your courage and willingness to speak the truth, no matter the personal cost. The children in my life will benefit from your efforts.
I read a story about Hilary Clinton. When she was a child, the kids in the playground were teasing and bullying her. She ran home crying to her mother, who refused to let her in the house. She told Hilary to go back there and stand up to the bullies. She turned out OK.
A reminder to all of us is NIMH and APA have the role of oversight. Their role is not to be asleep at the wheel while pop-psychology quackery is canonized across society.
[Time 41:00]; “Gentle Parenting” where parent reasons with child as if “a little adult”. Human brain development reaches completion at age 22-ish. APA probably has a poster with diagrams showing infant, toddler, pre-school, primary school, puberty, adulthood (I made up these categories). At each stage of development, child is able to comprehend greater complexity and abstraction. This is why parents tell the 4-year old that the family dog went to live on a farm where he can play all day long and chase rabbits. Younger children cannot be reasoned with.
[Time 40:00]; Gentle parenting and children. After hearing the example Shrier gave about parent asking questions to disobedient toddler, I wonder if children are pressured into being over-analytical beyond their mental abilities. That scares me.
This is a wonderful episode of the Honestly podcast. However, there is a bit more to the story. We're also falsely telling our children that climate change is going to kill them in a few years and there are fascists under every rock, so there is no hope. That's totally bonkers. Climate change is totally manageable and the Dems are more fascist than Trump. That's the truth. And that's what kids need to hear.
But beyond that, faith is missing. Faith in the future. Faith in God. Transcendence will set you free. Maybe our kids need to have Bob Dylan's entire catalog streamed into their AirPods in an infinite loop. It should start with Neighborhood Bully and finish with False Prophet.
Listening to Abigail’s story about her grandmother, I was more curious about the character and example set for Grandma Bess by her childhood caretakers than Bess herself. Studies have found that children who have experienced trauma but had loving, caring caretakers or mentor, who set a good example and instilled resilience- knowingly or unknowingly - could mitigate the trauma and allow the child to become a resilient, successful, happy adult. Maybe the relatives who took Bess in, individually or accumulatively gave provided her the example she needed to become a well adjusted adult. If her caretakers were abusive, neglectful, shaming, etc she may not have turned out very well. And it’s for those kids from backgrounds where they weren’t cared for who truly need the therapeutic resources. One of our foster children was horribly abused - and we practice a form of gentle parenting with her that’s helped her thrive. We say yes when we can - though it’s easier saying yes when most of what she asks for is not harmful. But many of her classmates will talk about their trauma, and have parents who practice permissive parenting, and I’m thinking to myself this kid has no idea what trauma is. A Coach making an off color joke is not traumatic. Essentially, the more indulgent therapies and parenting approaches are beneficial to adults/kids who truly experienced trauma, but there has been a trauma concept creep that had widen the victim circle to include everyone who doesn’t like how they feel in any given moment. The therapy or parenting style isn’t the problem, it’s the people who don’t know what they are doing with them.
I know I'll get into trouble, but I blame Mr. Rogers.
I’m proud to say I never followed my daughter’s homework nor did I help with homework. That was her job and she managed.
Jon Haidt has been on this train for a decade. The Coddling of the American Mind. Meshugah.
2nd post - forgot to comment about $$$$ - I always say, many problems stem from money and to fix the problem, you need to follow the money. I'll just leave it here so as not to point any fingers....;)
Abigail hits a lot of nails squarely on the head. Super interesting podcast/discussion which I promptly sent to friends/family who have young children. My kids are in their 20s, and so far/so good - we were always considered and believed ourselves to be on the stricter side (family computer in the family room only, dinner together every nite that was possible, jobs at 15-16, chores at home, real consequences to bad behavior (NO sleepovers for my son starting at age 15-16 until he left for college-imagine how popular we were!?). Without much thought, I can come up with several examples of friends/neighbors who have adult children who are struggling - no goals, career, one didn't get a driver's license til age 20 (suburban kid), few real friends, two who were in therapy for suicidality, and on and on. Its heartbreaking to see this, as kids are the product of their upbringing. Today, I see entire families out to dinner all staring at phones. Something needs to change and I hope parents listen and/or read. Thanks Bari for the great interview.
I was sitting with my 5 year old daughter tonight wondering how to thank Ms. Shrier for her courage in writing these two books. Her closing comments about the personal cost of writing truth really struck a cord with me.
Dear Ms. Shrier, Sometimes there's just no fancy way to say something. So let me just say it -
Thank You for your courage and willingness to speak the truth, no matter the personal cost. The children in my life will benefit from your efforts.
I read a story about Hilary Clinton. When she was a child, the kids in the playground were teasing and bullying her. She ran home crying to her mother, who refused to let her in the house. She told Hilary to go back there and stand up to the bullies. She turned out OK.
A reminder to all of us is NIMH and APA have the role of oversight. Their role is not to be asleep at the wheel while pop-psychology quackery is canonized across society.
[Time 41:00]; “Gentle Parenting” where parent reasons with child as if “a little adult”. Human brain development reaches completion at age 22-ish. APA probably has a poster with diagrams showing infant, toddler, pre-school, primary school, puberty, adulthood (I made up these categories). At each stage of development, child is able to comprehend greater complexity and abstraction. This is why parents tell the 4-year old that the family dog went to live on a farm where he can play all day long and chase rabbits. Younger children cannot be reasoned with.
[Time 40:00]; Gentle parenting and children. After hearing the example Shrier gave about parent asking questions to disobedient toddler, I wonder if children are pressured into being over-analytical beyond their mental abilities. That scares me.
That Better Help ad in the middle of an episode that tries to denormalize therapy was quite amusing
🔥🔥 loved this.
So many Instagram reels about parenting. I’m going to block every single one.
This is a wonderful episode of the Honestly podcast. However, there is a bit more to the story. We're also falsely telling our children that climate change is going to kill them in a few years and there are fascists under every rock, so there is no hope. That's totally bonkers. Climate change is totally manageable and the Dems are more fascist than Trump. That's the truth. And that's what kids need to hear.
But beyond that, faith is missing. Faith in the future. Faith in God. Transcendence will set you free. Maybe our kids need to have Bob Dylan's entire catalog streamed into their AirPods in an infinite loop. It should start with Neighborhood Bully and finish with False Prophet.
Listening to Abigail’s story about her grandmother, I was more curious about the character and example set for Grandma Bess by her childhood caretakers than Bess herself. Studies have found that children who have experienced trauma but had loving, caring caretakers or mentor, who set a good example and instilled resilience- knowingly or unknowingly - could mitigate the trauma and allow the child to become a resilient, successful, happy adult. Maybe the relatives who took Bess in, individually or accumulatively gave provided her the example she needed to become a well adjusted adult. If her caretakers were abusive, neglectful, shaming, etc she may not have turned out very well. And it’s for those kids from backgrounds where they weren’t cared for who truly need the therapeutic resources. One of our foster children was horribly abused - and we practice a form of gentle parenting with her that’s helped her thrive. We say yes when we can - though it’s easier saying yes when most of what she asks for is not harmful. But many of her classmates will talk about their trauma, and have parents who practice permissive parenting, and I’m thinking to myself this kid has no idea what trauma is. A Coach making an off color joke is not traumatic. Essentially, the more indulgent therapies and parenting approaches are beneficial to adults/kids who truly experienced trauma, but there has been a trauma concept creep that had widen the victim circle to include everyone who doesn’t like how they feel in any given moment. The therapy or parenting style isn’t the problem, it’s the people who don’t know what they are doing with them.
The "Better Help" advertisement during this episode seems to play directly to the idea of seeking therapy to cope with normal life events.
ha! great point :/
I found that ad to be the definition of irony!
So parents are too deferential to authority so the solution is for them to become more authoritative?
I always thought mirrors were the worst thing to happen to humans, but maybe it’s literacy.
It seems like everyone is an expert on everything and the result is everyone telling each other that nobody is doing anything right.
Poor kids.